by Chad Lewis on June 10, 2008
Amy Carmichael was a famous missionary to India for 55 years without a furlough. She was a woman of great joy and sorrow. She said that faith doesn’t eliminate questions, but faith know where to take them. I’m sure that Amy had a lot of questions as she saw young children kidnapped and abused. I’m sure she might have had moments of doubt as an injury left her bed-ridden in the last years of her life. But through all of this turmoil, the overwhelming overflow of her life was joy and trust in God.
So where do you take your questions when you doubt? Do you let them swirl in your head and try to figure out everything on your own? Do you go to the internet and look for answers from random sites?
We must develop a culture of being able to openly discuss our doubts and fears with our brothers and sisters in Christ. This is one thing I love about my church body, Sojourn Community Church. Somehow, a community of open discussion has been fostered over the years. I get to grapple with questions from people that are open, honest and revealing.
But where do I go as a pastor when I am struggling with doubt and questions? By God’s grace, I have a few places. Ultimately, when the doubts and questions rage, God has given me an open door to come and sit with Him and pour my heart out to Him. This is the first place I should go though it is often the last. God has given me other means of grace to lean on in troubling times.
I have my triad. Scott Holman, Chris Davis and I meet and listen to each others hearts. We ask probing questions and it is a place where we can be honest to the point that I have rarely known. I also have some other Christian friends in other states that have journeyed longer than me and have more grounding in the Gospel. I also have an amazing wife who always accepts me as I am. Ultimately, I know that I cannot bear the weight alone so I run for help.
Don’t suffer in silence alone. Run to God and then go to those people in your life that God has provided. Be honest and be humble in receiving counsel and prayer. If you don’t have people in your life, ask God to provide and I have full confidence that He will. It might not look like you expect, but it will be for your good. Don’t fear your doubts, but do take them to the right place.
For more information about Amy Carmichael’s life, check out A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael by Elisabeth Elliot.
by Chad Lewis on December 5, 2005
“When good desires become demands, they turn into an idol and replace God.” As my teaching pastor said this last night, the sting made it’s way deep into my heart. I believe this statement can sum up many seasons in my Christian life – this one included.
In the past, one area that has plagued me is suffering through singleness. Some times I have soared with the wings of victory in contentment, while other times have seen me crashing in the rocks down below. During the times of crashing, too often my good desire for a best friend to marry has turned into a demand. “I must have this to truly be happy!” This is when my eyes roam and Chad becomes captain of the ship. Even during these times, God has been gracious to let me know that my mutiny is not right and I humbly give Him back the wheel.
Currently, music has become a demand. After recording four humble, self-produced albums, a few guys from my church have taking me under their wing to help me take my best stuff and make it better. Somehow as the process has begun, my good desires to have this album be useful for others has become a must. Somehow I believe if this doesn’t happen in a big way, it was all in vain and I’ll just quit songwriting altogether. I truly write music to encourage people and let them know they are not alone. This is a good desire. But when this desire turned into a demand, my focus changed for the worse.
This was not a quick process but it did sneak up on me. Last night I spent time repenting and God’s sweet refreshment came over me. I acknowledged that His ways are higher than my ways. To second guess the Creator’s plans and say my plans have to take place – that is not the Christian life. With every breath we can pray our desires to God, but they must be stipulated with “But Your will be done, Father. For You know what is best.”
I was humbled, but the fruit of peace has returned to me and I have stopped striving in this moment. However, I know that the battle will come again. When it does, we must stop and remember that He is God. We must be still and hand over the reigns again. This might be a daily thing for many of us.
Let us be encouraged that we are trusting in the finished work of Christ and our God’s mercy and grace are like the ocean. Like Amy Carmichael said, we are just tiny shells and the oceans of God can fill us over and over and over again. May we to God’s ocean and find ourselves filled in Him today.
