by Chad Lewis on September 11, 2005
This is an excerpt from an email I sent to a friend tonight.
Hey, I believe my heart can coincide and agree with you. Circumstances shouldn’t dictate our joy, but they quite often do.
So 31 and still no blips on the radar for me? Somehow, it is O.K. tonight though. On many, many nights it has not been O.K. I have tried thinking of the shortness of time here on earth and how God might most be glorified in my life. I think of my friend and mentor Rich Malone (Director of Lake Forest Ranch) and how he got married at 35 and has 4 awesome kids now… I think of you and how much I struggled with singleness at your age and then wonder where the last years went. It is hard brother. It is so very hard. And though this may not help the aching, I will say what I have told myself many days. You don’t have to make it through singleness for the rest of your life… You just have to live through it today. What I mean is that we will never know what tomorrow holds and we cannot expect grace to be given for next year because it is only available in the moment.
We get overwhelmed and think there is no way we can make it through the rest of our life without that special someone – it is overwhelming for me, but in reality, I just have to make it through today without her. And what do I have instead of her? I have God Himself. His grace can only be experienced in this moment and as we dwell on the future, we won’t live in today. Tomorrow we will find grace for each second, but we must live in the here and now for tomorrow is not guarenteed.
So there is the struggle. Truthfully, I don’t do very well on many days when I’m in the mire of loneliness and I hang out there a good bit. It seems so easy for some people. They meet a girl, they date and they are married. We are the ones that not much comes easy to. It is more frustrating when we have something wonderful in front of us and then it is taken away – but we move on. We will last and God’s will will be done.
My brother, thanks for sharing and I will pray for you as you pray for me,
Stay strong in the word,
Chad
by Chad Lewis on September 5, 2005
31 now and I read on my wall “I believe God, that it shall be even as it was told me.”
It is a difficult thing to wait. That which I believed hesitantly about my life at 25 I still believe now at 31. I would be a fool to not see tremendous growth and maturing over these years. Some things have changed drastically but some old things still linger.
Wisdom tells me that I should not worry about the fulfillment of these dreams but that God, in His good timing will bring them to pass. It has always been His deal so I wait and work to rest. I work to learn. I work to be patient. I work to abide in Him so I can love others. I work to fight against discouragement.
My heart is reminded of a most precious promise concerning our God. He is not like some distant being who is uncaring and unconcerned. He is not some cosmic Santa Clause who wants us to have earthly “stuff.” He is our Abba, Father to whom we can pour our souls out to and know He hears. He sees us at all times. He knows our deepest hurts and longings. He wants us in the midst of all of our imperfections. He is our fortress and our strength. He works on our behalf and moves in the intimate details of our lives. This is God – how do you explain the One who created the vastness of our Universe that seems limitless? How do you begin to comprehend the One who created mathematics and physics to describe how the universe works? How do you describe the One who created us to feel love, hopes and dreams? Words will never completely do… He is awesome and He bids us to come and seek His face. The invitation is open.
Though we may wait, He is working. May our lives be like King David who writes in Psalm 27:8, “When You said seek My face, my heart said to You ‘Lord, Your face I will seek.’”
Whether you are in the midst of a bountiful time of intimacy with God or you are wallowing in the mire, He desires for you to seek His face. It is here that we will find freedom and rest as we come to our greatest good – God, Himself. Wait patiently on Him.
by Chad Lewis on August 12, 2005
While at a leadership meeting tonight, we had a time to get away and ponder what might be keeping us away from true, life giving ministry and leadership. As I prayed and asked God to shine the light in my heart, many things flooded to mind.
It is interesting to me that many people want to be someone else. A few (not many mind you) have told me that they wish they could do what I’m doing – that they could essentially be me. If possible, I would let them live in my skin for a day. If they weren’t overwhelmed by the anxieties, insecurities and rampaging thoughts running amuck in the head, then they could get out of bed and begin living a day filled many trials and struggles. I know we all struggle, but for some reason, we always think life would be better if we could be in someone else’s shoes. But truth be known, we question God’s sovereignty and say He is not sufficient for us if we live in that fantasy land.
So I’m pondering what is keeping me from life giving leadership and ministry and the answer comes back again and again. It is not my anxiety or battles with periods of sadness. It is not my lack of gifts or lack of charisma. It is not many things. I have come to believe that it is simply not believing in what is already true – not trusting in the finished work of Christ.
It is simply Chad not being O.K. with all that makes up Chad. I shouldn’t need validation from anyone to know who I am – I am chosen of Christ and am now free to live in the reality of what is and who am I now – a new creation, a child of God, a saint, holy, beloved and adored. I have been given all I need and the rest of my life will be discovering more about this incredible gospel that has set me free to be what I was created to be – “me”. And this “me” was created to worship and enjoy God forever. It is not about what I can do for God but what He has done for me. From this rest flows the reality of my work – I work to know Him and He loves others through me. I work to rest in Him and He moves mountains and bears much fruit through me.
My life is liberated as I get caught up in something much more than the little kingdom I was trying to build. I now am about letting others know about this amazing Kingdom of God’s as He invites us to join Him in this wonderful journey of life. God’s muscles are infinitely bigger than mine and I must continue to learn to be O.K. with who I am and know that God is controlling my life.
So I sat and pondered and realized that the God of all creation knows my name and cares enough to remind me of this truth. May you be reminded of this truth today.
