“When good desires become demands, they turn into an idol and replace God.” As my teaching pastor said this last night, the sting made it’s way deep into my heart. I believe this statement can sum up many seasons in my Christian life – this one included.
In the past, one area that has plagued me is suffering through singleness. Some times I have soared with the wings of victory in contentment, while other times have seen me crashing in the rocks down below. During the times of crashing, too often my good desire for a best friend to marry has turned into a demand. “I must have this to truly be happy!” This is when my eyes roam and Chad becomes captain of the ship. Even during these times, God has been gracious to let me know that my mutiny is not right and I humbly give Him back the wheel.
Currently, music has become a demand. After recording four humble, self-produced albums, a few guys from my church have taking me under their wing to help me take my best stuff and make it better. Somehow as the process has begun, my good desires to have this album be useful for others has become a must. Somehow I believe if this doesn’t happen in a big way, it was all in vain and I’ll just quit songwriting altogether. I truly write music to encourage people and let them know they are not alone. This is a good desire. But when this desire turned into a demand, my focus changed for the worse.
This was not a quick process but it did sneak up on me. Last night I spent time repenting and God’s sweet refreshment came over me. I acknowledged that His ways are higher than my ways. To second guess the Creator’s plans and say my plans have to take place – that is not the Christian life. With every breath we can pray our desires to God, but they must be stipulated with “But Your will be done, Father. For You know what is best.”
I was humbled, but the fruit of peace has returned to me and I have stopped striving in this moment. However, I know that the battle will come again. When it does, we must stop and remember that He is God. We must be still and hand over the reigns again. This might be a daily thing for many of us.
Let us be encouraged that we are trusting in the finished work of Christ and our God’s mercy and grace are like the ocean. Like Amy Carmichael said, we are just tiny shells and the oceans of God can fill us over and over and over again. May we to God’s ocean and find ourselves filled in Him today.
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